Written by Michael Lankton Monday, 05 October 2009 14:43
The zombie apocalypse. If you're smart you are making your preparations now. Studies show that 72 hours after the initial outbreak infecteds will outnumber susceptibles. Too late to head for Wal-Mart to stock up on supplies. You'll either be eaten or killed by other panicking susceptibles.
Firearms are an important part of your post-apocalyptic arsenal. Firearms allow you to do a lot of damage from a safe distance without over exerting yourself. However, firearms are dependent on ammunition, the availability of which is not guaranteed. Also, both the firearms and their ammunition can fail. You'll need to have more tricks in your bag if you're going to survive.
Obviously we are going to need to have a means of self defense that is not prone to mechanical failure or the inability to use it because there is no more ammo. That is where blunt and edged weapons enter the picture.
This is where people get really misguided ideas about what constitutes a good zombie dispatching weapon. Broadsword? Ok Conan, what are you going to do? Run to the Remington store at the mall and get an Excalibur replica? Heh.
Same goes for katanas. Katanas would have been a great idea up until about 1868 because of their combination of strength, light weight and keen edge. Man has pretty much forgotten the art of making a sword with the properties of an eighteenth or nineteenth century katana, and I wouldn't want to trust my fate to a cheap Chinese replica. Got the money for a Hanzo blade? Then you have enough money for your own mercenary army and don't need to read any further.
Sledgehammer? We'll deal with what a stupid idea that is shortly.
Machete? Why does everyone insist on the machete? It was the first thing out of my sixteen year old's mouth when we were having this conversation. Here's the problem with the machete:
The only way to dispatch an infected is to destroy or severely damage the cranium. An edged weapon must therefore either decapitate or penetrate the skull to such an extent that the job is done. One, an edged weapon must be relatively sharp to accomplish this and edged weapons dull rather quickly with use. A machete is short and light, two qualities that would seem to make it a good choice. Let me smash that misconception.
You are taking an incredible gamble that you are going to be able to deliver decapitating blows under duress, with a weapon that may soon not have a good enough edge to do the job. How are you going to free your stuck machete from an infected's skull with eight more of them falling upon you? You won't, you'll be the entree on the zombie lunch buffet my friend. Another thing that people don't think about comes from sheer ignorance. The most important reason the machete is a bad choice is stamina.
Stamina? I had to explain this to my sixteen year old too. I work in law enforcement, corrections specifically. I am not a cop, but my job does require me to fight on occasion. Fairly regular occasions. Let me share something with those of you who don't box or participate in any martial arts. Fighting wears you out in a hurry. Sixty seconds is a long time in a fight. Your body dumps all your adrenalin so that you are capable of superhuman exertion, but only for a brief period and then you crash and fatigue sets in. You are laboring for breath and your muscles are burning and weakened in a fairly short amount of time. Shorter still if you aren't in the best of physical condition.
That machete puts you in a fight where your reactionary gap is about six feet. Not a good place to be when you are fighting more than one enemy, especially when that weapon may become stuck during the fight.
Same goes for the axes and heavy hammers. Have fun swinging that log, you're not going to last long.
My choice for primary non-firearm weapon is the war hammer, but not just any war hammer. Cold Steel makes a war hammer that is tailor made for the zombie apocalypse, and it's only $64.99.
The Cold Steel War Hammer is a great choice for many reasons. For starters, it only weighs two and a half pounds. That is huge. It means that you won't wear yourself out swinging it, and it also means that you are going to be able to put some really good velocity on your blows. You can swing this bad boy one handed or with both hands. It also wins on versatility, as it offers both blunt and spiked impact surfaces, both of which should do a formidable job of dispatching infecteds. Plus the overall length of thirty inches, added to the length of your reach, provides a more comfortable reactionary gap.
You can see the possibilities watching the video. No more explanation necessary.
The perfect companion to the Cold Steel War Hammer is the good old fashioned military issue Ka-Bar. These knives are sturdy and useful. As a weapon it is your last line of defense, but it will be useful for more tasks than zombie dispatching. It won't hurt to have one of these strapped to your leg.
The only other addition I have for self defense is a pair of meat cutter's gloves. These are made of loose woven chain mail and they look a little medieval, but they're functional as hell. When you fight your hands get cut. Now you have an entry point for infection.
Take the precaution of wearing some chain mail gloves with a thin leather glove underneath for comfort and tighter fit. It's like a zombie condom for your hands.
